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foxyshadow
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Name: jessica
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: York
Birthday: 2/16/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: i like boys..... my friends and family are what keeps me alive.....and music...what would i do without music?
Occupation: Medical
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  piercedxs8
Member Since:
10/22/2005
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| i lied...not to anyone but myself....i'm not okay....i feel like i'm in such such a dark place with a dying flashlight and i don't even care....sleep is now my most valued way to pass the time.... i know it's just a phase life isn't always gonna suck this badly..but...ehh...i'm just so stressed and i'm putting happiness on hold........ | | |
| well, no one really seems to be reading this, so basically i'm writing just to console myself....my mom didn't make it...monday, oct. 1, 2007 she passed away. It's weird, everyone keeps asking me if i'm okay, and really, i am. I knew it was coming, just not this soon. I'm okay with her dying, she doesn't have to suffer anymore, i'm just going to miss the shit out of that woman. And she got her final wish, to die up at my aunt's cabin, i'm glad it happened that way for her. I feel like i should be sadder, but i can still feel her with me, she still talks to me, or maybe i'm going crazy, but i can still hear her. I loved my Mom like i've loved no other person in this world, and for her to have peace is the best thing i could wish for her after all she did for me. So, if anyone cares, i really am ok. I love and miss you momma | | |
| Where to start this blog entry? It has been so long since i updated that so much has changed in my life. I suppose I'll make a list and then talk about the more important things... 1. My Mom has terminal lung cancer and isn't doing so well lately 2. I buzzed off all my hair to support my Mom, and then dyed it blonde for the hell of it 3. Dustin and I finally got our own apartment, and are engaged 4. I've been trying to get pregnant for over a yr and a half....still no luck...pretty depressing 5. I had an educational epiphany and have decided if i'm gonna do it, i'm gonna go all the way.... i'm gonna be a doctor!!( imagine, me, a doctor...it sounds so grown up...lol) 6. I have a new job at Margaret Moul home and i love it So pretty much, that's all that has changed, the major things anyhow.... This whole thing with my Mom is pretty emotional...but I'm just trying to cope with it so I can help make the last year or two of her life...well...enjoyable i guess is what i want to say. When she does pass away my little sister is going to come and live with me, so i'm trying to build a better relationship with her so that she feels comfortable with me...and also to support her, it's hard for me at 20 knowing that my Mom is dying, i can't imagine only being 13.... i'm glad i have such a great family and supporting friends(the ones that are left).... Uh, well, that's all i feel like typing for now.....so, i'll keep everyone posted | | |
| so, it's been a long time since i've updated...i do get on here like everyday and read everyone else's posts...just haven't have anything interesting enough to write.. all i do is basically work and sit at home... my social life isn't as active as it used to be...sometimes it bothers me and other times i just know that its a part of growing up... and sometimes, i really miss "the guys" and all the crazy fun we had.. but, hey, i'm content with life right now... things could always get better, and they could always get worse, and that's the joy in life, not knowing what tomarrow brings. at least i have a job that i enjoy doing. i love working with the mentally retartded, even though it is a big challenge almost everyday.. but those guys in there bring me so much happiness, there's no other way to describe it other than they trully are "special"...but there are days where you get pissed and shit on (literally) and it's overbearing, but i've learned to cope with the stress and i love my job... dustin and i are doing great...currently we're working on settling down together... hehe... the hidden message behind that... our chickens are getting big and noisy, but beautiful too.. the cats are well, hyper-active cats... and we might be getting a dog..we should open a petting zoo i swear..lol.. well..that's all i feel like typing for now...hopefully within the next two or three months i'll have some exciting news to share with everyone... | | |
| I'm tired of having faith in people....why have so much hope when those around you tend to do nothing but disappoint you? i'm finally making a stand, coming out of my shell and letting people know how i feel about them...i'm not going to do it here on the internet, i have more class than that...but it will be done.... i've sat back and simply taken peoples hyprocritical bullshit for too long now....time for me stop caring if i hurt others feelings, because it's apparent they don't give a shit.... and it seems like its the ones closest to me that never fail to let me down... my step-dads family, which have been in my life since i was 5, and i'm now 19....they're gonna finally feel my wrath.... and it's not only them, it's friends too, well one in particular....it's not just me either, everyone but her sees the problem.... how can someone you've been friends with for 13 years just simply write you off?  it makes no sense to me...but like i said, not here not now....but it's coming up soon, and hopefully throwing in the towel will make me feel better, to know that my efforts are no longer gonna be wasted... besides, who wants a friend that is so self-absorbed that everyone else's existence is unimportant? | | |
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